This all-encompassing fear steered me away from spas and rubs for years—until the inevitable happened, and I was put up in a Florida resort for a magazine sales meeting. I and the others in our group were urged to take advantage of spa facilities—the more services we signed up for, the more advertising we’d bring in. A trade-off. So, I got a facial, which was fun, then an herbal body wrap, which I hated—arms pinned so I couldn’t move; I felt claustrophobic. “It’s no good unless you fall asleep,” said the attendant. I didn’t. He unwrapped me; that was that.

T anya, a white, 34-year-old mom, is one of the many women across the U.S. risking arrest for a happy ending. Flip over. Depending on if she or you placed a towel on your butt, she'll may move it over and cover your mighty incher. From here, she may either: ask if you want services/HJ, show you a tug sign with her hand or continue massaging your body around sensitive areas. Hearing those stories, imagining this poor young woman staring at me, giggling and pointing, trying to navigate around it, all I felt was incredible embarrassment. No massages for me, I decided. No way.After that exercise, Stewart led Cookie to the massage room and told her to take off as much of her clothing as she wanted. Then he told her to command him to touch her where she wanted to be touched. “I was such a scaredy cat,” she recalls. She was afraid to instruct him to do anything sexual.

Like, on my genitals for an hour? I don’t know how that’s gonna go,” Cookie responded incredulously, glancing at the Hitachi Magic Wand. But her goal that day was to have an orgasm, so she was game. According to the Association of Certified Sexological Body Workers, this therapeutic method involves, “active receiving, anal touch, internal and external genital mapping, breathwork, scar tissue remediation, and orgasmic yoga coaching.” And yes, much of it involves bringing clients to orgasm. Stewart says that one of the keys to sexological bodywork is one-way touch: the therapist touches you and you don’t reciprocate. Stewart is one of 116 licensed sexological bodyworkers worldwide. Their work straddles the lines between sex work, therapy, and massage. Dr. Caldwell says the sex-as-therapy trope helps “reduce stigma” for women because women are less likely to openly state they want sex. “A woman who told me she bought sex for therapy might tell her best friend that she bought sex because she was curious or horny,” says Caldwell, “and both of these motivations might be true.” Once she arrived, Cookie became a bit nervous, but Stewart brewed her a cup of tea, they chatted, and she began to relax. Then they moved to the floor, and Stewart began stretching and rolling like a cat and instructed Cookie to do the same. “Even that was hard, honestly,” she says, “just wiggling around on the floor with a stranger I had just met.”Flag 4: I took my bra off but I like to keep my undies on. The “masseuse” pulled my panties wayyy down under my butt cheeks. And didn’t cover me up with the towel. Now walk in and you'll be greeted by mama-san. Ask what the house fee is and pay her the house fee. Either the mama-san will bring you to the room, or the masseuse will bring you to the room.